When you see your ex somewhere, how would you react? Do you approach them and say hi? Do you feel the sudden rush then hide? Or you want to make sure that you still communicate and be updated about each other’s whereabouts? Do you still want to be friends by that person who was once the love of your life? These are the mind juggling questions that is hard to answer!
You Know Them Well
An ex-lover is definitely not a stranger that you can simply erase from memory. And it wasn’t all bad, right? There are shared memories, experiences, emotions and time spent together that cannot be simply forgotten. So, should you be friends with your ex?
Some people feel that keeping in contact with an ex opens up past wounds, causes hurt and delays the healing process. Others feel that you should keep in contact with an ex if you can maintain a healthy friendship. Here are my thoughts on both options.
- Time To Move On!
Some people shouldn’t be friends with their exes. If you had a bad breakup or they treated you poorly while you were together, there’s no need to be their friend. But let’s say things were great between you, but you lost the spark or realized you wanted different things in life. What then? If you are the type to reminisce about what used to be, and that makes you depressed, you shouldn’t be friends with an ex. Good memories can be harmful if they keep you from moving on. And if friendship isn’t your real motivation for keeping in contact with an ex, you should also let them go. Don’t hold on to them because you think you can’t find someone better or you’re hoping the friendship will turn into friends with benefits or a full-fledged relationship again. If it didn’t work the first time, chances are it won’t work again.
- Don’t Let Go!
However, just because the romantic relationship didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean a friendship won’t work out either. You know each other intimately. You know their likes and dislikes. You know what their dreams and aspirations are. That’s a great basis for a friendship, which is really just another form of intimacy. Even if there is no sexual bond, there is still an emotional bond. But it’s best not to jump into a friendship right away. Take the time to grieve and heal before attempting friendship with an ex.
A healthy friendship can exist between ex-lovers. It’s one where you keep in touch, ask about their well-being and offer help when needed. You can spend time together and celebrate milestones together. You can be supportive of future romantic relationships. This is all very healthy.
A friendly relationship between ex-partners can turn into a romantic relationship one again if you haven’t set boundaries with each other. Also, it may be hard to justify a friendship with an ex-lover, when you are seeing someone new. It’s easy for a new partner to feel threatened by an old lover who’s still in the picture, so be sensitive to their feelings. If the friendship is truly platonic, it should be obvious.
When you think of your exes, how do you feel? Nostalgic? Sad? Happy they’re out of your life? If you ever feel confused about an ex, call me and we can sort your feelings out together.