There is no real class on not getting a terrible boy or girlfriend and there are people that just like the idea of being with someone. Dating someone is something that you give a chance and you either make it or you don’t. If you are like most everyone else, chances are that you will have a lot of bad relationships.
Being in a bunch of different toxic relationships can make it hard to deal with dating. The problem though is that there are people that go into toxic relationships because they make bad dating something that is a habit. They end up hurt and sad, but it happens.
People often put their partner as an object instead of a person and sometimes they take their partners as a prize instead of someone to share a relationship with.
Understanding Toxicity
A toxic relationship is one that happens when people put love over respect, affection, and trust. Love is not the only reason to stay in a relationship and there has to be other reasons that are listed. If you put love as the biggest reason to be in a relationship, then chances are that you are going to miss out on a relationship of respect and care.
You will put love first and you will see that your partner ends up cheating on you because you tolerate the way that they treat you. If you put love over affection, then you will have a partner that is there but that doesn’t open up to you.
People will tolerate being in a bad relationship because they have low self-esteem or because they allow their emotions to be in charge of what they are wanting.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
There are different kinds of toxic relationships and most of the time people ignore these signs. Instead of finding a healthy relationship, they allow their toxic relationships to be in control of who they are and what they want.
Keeping Score
Keeping score means that you date someone and they are always blaming you for things that you have done in the past. If you made a mistake in the past, they keep up with it like they are keeping score. This can end up causing fight after fight.
This kind of person will keep reminding you over and over about what you did wrong. This is toxic because they are taking the problems that you are having together, and they are focusing on things that you did in the past. They are manipulating you to make you feel guilty.
Most of the time in this situation the partners will spend all of their time trying to prove that they didn’t do anything wrong and that they are not as guilty as the other person.
How to Handle This
This issue needs to be dealt with and if you are with someone that is always cheating on you, there is a problem. If they tell you they do this because you cheated 10 years ago, this is unacceptable.
Passive Aggressiveness
This is when a person doesn’t say what they are feeling but they try to make their partner figure it out without saying it. They don’t say what upsets them and they do things to make their partner mad so then they can complain about them freely.
This shows that you are not able to communicate with each other and if one partner is always putting out hints, they fear being afraid of what they have to say.
How to Handle This
The best thing that you can do is to express what you are feeling. You have to openly communicate if you want the relationship to have love and support.
Blackmailing Commitment
When a person has a complaint in the relationship and will threaten the whole relationship. This can be a situation such as if your partner is angry, instead of saying, “you seem angry,” they say, “I can’t be with someone who is always angry at me.”
This is called relationship hostage, and this means that even when the partner does something small, it can make the relationship seem like it is going to end. This happens because the person feels that they aren’t able to communicate what they are feeling and there is a lot of distrust.
How to Handle This
You can get mad at your partner, and you won’t always like what they do. This is normal. You can be with someone and not like everything that they do, and you can fix this by talking to each other without being judgmental.
Blaming Your Partner
Some people will blame their partner for what they are feeling. They will get frustrated with their partner because of something they are going to do like go out with their friends and then when they lash out, they will think you are insensitive. This happens when one person wants their partner to always base their day on your emotional state.
This is dangerous because you can’t blame your partner for everything that happens in your life. They have to have boundaries and your partner can’t make you feel good about yourself all the time. This is a codependent relationship.
The problem with this is that it causes people to resent each other. It makes there be frustration and bitterness and it can lead to manipulation of feelings and wants.
How to Fix This
You have to be responsible for what you are feeling. Your emotions are yours and your partner doesn’t have to be obligated to make you feel better all the time. The times that they choose to be with you should be because that is what they choose and not because of how you are feeling.
Being Jealous
This happens when one partner gets upset when their partner talks, texts, or hangs out with someone else. This can be overdone, and the partner will get angry no matter what they do with the opposite sex, and they get angry to try and control their partner. This can cause them to start looking into your phone, reading your messages and your email, and following you places.
Some people think that this is cute, but this is actually dangerous and toxic. The jealous partner feels that their partner doesn’t love them, and it can make them act crazy. If your partner cannot trust you enough to be around other people, they don’t trust you and they just want to control you.
How to Fix This
You need to trust your partner. You need to not make jokes about being jealous and you need to make sure that you are controlling your feelings.
Buying Things
When problems come into the relationship, the partner will buy things to try to make the problem go away or be ignored. One example of this is when parents get divorced and so they buy big things like a swimming pool for the kids so that they don’t have to feel bad.
Buying stuff for someone doesn’t make the problems go away. This situation will only make people get madder before the situation is actually solved. This can also cause women to get more upset with the man so that he can buy her more stuff or vice versa.
How to Fix This
Deal with whatever is going on and stop trying to cover it up with buying things. There is nothing wrong with doing nice things for each other but make sure that you are doing this because you love each other and not because you are trying to suck up.
Finding a Good Relationship
When a relationship is toxic, it affects everyone. Here are some ways that you can change your relationship and make it work:
- Both you and your partner make plans to change. There has to be a willingness to make things work.
- Both partners realize that there has to be affection, trust, and respect. They both have to want things to get better and agree to work through things.
- There has to be open communication without blaming from both partners.
Fixing a toxic relationship can be hard and if you can’t fix it though, you need to just end it and find one that won’t be toxic in your life. Once you are ready to turn your toxic relationship into something good, make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. You can talk to someone such as a counselor if you need help.