The way that you interact with your partner is part of the attachment theory. There are four different attachment styles that people form from the time that they are children. They pick these up from the kind of caregivers that they have.
Children that are insecure avoidant are the children that don’t react when a caregiver leaves the room. They express no emotions, and they play and act independent. When the caregiver comes back, they ignore them.
Psychologists believe that when someone doesn’t show emotions, that this means that it is pointless for the child to communicate what they need to the caregiver because they feel that if they are vulnerable then they will not be able to survive.
A person that grows up with avoidant attachment style is often full of fear and they worry about who they are around. People in romantic relationships make an avoidant attachment person feel that they are not able to function because they are cold with their partners, and they show distance instead of love.
Knowing Avoidant Attachment
There are different things that you will see in someone that has avoidant attachment styles such as:
Sending Mixed Signals
People that have avoidant styles don’t know what they want in life. They will not show attention or affection to their partner, nor will they say love often. They like to live alone, and they will often push people away, but they miss them. They think too much on the relationship, but they don’t know why they act the way they do.
People that are avoidant will have standards that their partner cannot meet. They will idealize their partner and will compare them to everyone else.
The are fearful of losing themselves and their independence and they are afraid that they will be in a trapped relationship. They will find fault in everything you do because of their childhood.
People will disappoint you them and they will belittle you when other people are around.
People that are avoidant were taught as children to survive. They were with people that were disappointing to them and didn’t help them. They never ask for things and they like to do things alone.
If they are with someone, they will choose to be alone over that person, but they are also very loyal to them. These people often mistrust others, and they are not vulnerable, and they will not show their weakness.
Instead of your partner showing you love, they will feel that love has a certain way of being. They will want to be with people that are unavailable to them, and they will want to have deep romance, but they will most likely be alone.
This person will not talk about the relationship, and they will hide things in a way to be destructive. They will have bad habits such as drinking, cheating and more. They will not give you affection and will hold back the feelings they have for you. They will have strong boundaries.
Avoidants will be selfish, and they will care about their own needs. They will act attacked every time you bring things up.
Solutions for This Style
If you are someone with avoidant style, you need to be compassionate with yourself. You have faults but you can work on them.
Recognize how your childhood caused you to have those feelings. Find someone that you can talk to such as a therapist and discuss your past.
Identify what is going on and what behaviors and patterns you have. Once you notice these things, take time to find out why you are feeling that way.
If you are dating someone that is an avoidant partner, you will see that it will be harmful to push them away. Talk to them and try to not be upset if they seem cold and distant sometimes.
It takes time for them to grow and to change and they need support. If you want to help them, tell them what you want form them and if they do something you don’t like, tell them. If they do good, give them praise. Don’t be fast to come up with a solution.
Do not point out your differences but try to understand each other. Don’t try to change them but try to reach goals to be intimate with each other. Learn to comfort and express your emotions with each other.