As soon as you laid your eyes on this person, you knew you loved them. You finally feel that your life is perfect, and everything is working out for you. Finding new love can feel out of this world. As soon as life begins to calm down though, chances might be that you start to see that things aren’t how they were at first. As with any relationship, this happens but you need to make sure that you look at your relationship and see if it is a healthy relationship.
If you feel that your partner loves themselves more than they love you, many people experience this. People are all the time finding themselves with people that have NPD or narcissistic personality disorders. This is something that is very common in the United States, but the problem is, if you find yourself in this kind of relationship, it can be hard to get out.
Knowing A Narcissist
You can spot a narcissist if you learn to look for certain behaviors. This kind of personality thinks that they are perfect. They love themselves way more than they love someone else. This makes it almost impossible for them to ever really love another person. Even though this kind of personality is really good at hiding their disorder, there are certain traits that you can look for and you will know if you are dealing with a narcissist:
Self-Importance
A narcissist will believe that they are above everyone else. They will think that they are smarter, better looking and that they are too good for things that are not upper class. They believe this one hundred percent about themselves, and they expect everyone else to see it as well.
Entitled
On top of being the most important person around, the narcissist believes that they are entitled to whatever they want. They expect to be treated better than anyone else and they believe that they deserve to have whatever they want. When they don’t feel entitled, it makes them angry and sometimes aggressive.
Admiration
When a narcissist is around someone, they expect them to admire them. They want to be around people that praise them and that give them the admiration that they need to feel good.
Belittling
A narcissist will not treat people well. If someone has a lack in their life, the narcissist will make sure to blow that up and will make sure to put them down in some patronizing way. They will do whatever they can to make themselves look better.
No Guilt
Narcissists often have no guilt and no sense of empathy for others. They do not care what other people feel and they treat people like they are things instead of human beings. They take advantage of others whenever they can so that they can get what they want.
Narcissist Cycle
Many relationships that someone has with a narcissist will come with three different cycles. It will be idealization, devaluation, and discard. These are stages on how the narcissist will treat their partner.
Idealization
In this stage, you will be with a narcissist, and they will move quick to make you feel that they are the perfect partner for you. They will make you feel that you have found a gem. They will go out of the way to make you fall in love with them and they will make you feel that you have met your soulmate.
Devaluation
In this stage, you will feel that you are meant to be with this person but then out of nowhere, their personality will start to show. They will be kind and loving at one time but then out of nowhere they will start to put you down. They will criticize everything that you do and will tell you that you are crazy or insecure.
They will cause you to question if you really have friends and they will tell you that your people aren’t good for you. If you question them, they will act like a victim and they will blame their parents or their ex for their own actions.
Discard
Once the narcissist can no longer feel praised by their partner, they will become abusive. They will be the one that comes out on top of the relationship, but they will keep insulting them and putting them down. They will make them feel that no one will love them, and they will make them feel like they are unworthy of love.
Love Patterns
Narcissist will have different relationship cycles, but they also have common love patterns that are often seen. When you can figure out these love patterns, you can understand the behavior and you can learn to protect yourself from this kind of relationship.
Love Bombing
This is when someone manipulates you with love. When you are first with this person, they will always show you love and affection. They do this so that you will trust them and feel that they like you. It will make you want to commit to the relationship fast. Here are some signs of love bombing:
- They say all the right things.
- They make you feel like the relationship has no problems.
- They say I love you fast.
- They do everything over the top.
- They want to be your hearo.
- They treat other people badly.
Focus on You
They always communicate with you and will call and text all the time. They will talk about all the things your life is causing and they will help you when something bad is going on with you. They will do this because they want you to think of them as a hero and so they will give you reasons to make your life better.
Later in the relationship though, they will bring this up to you and will tell you that they were always there for you. This is a big red flag.
Warnings
Narcissist will know what they are doing, and they will give you small warnings. Because they show you so much love though, chances are that you will miss their warnings. They will tell you that you deserve more, and they will be cute and say things that you really need to listen to and pay attention to.
Sympathy
The narcissist will want to get sympathy from you. They will make you have no confidence in yourself, and they will make you lose your self-esteem. They will start to make up things and will tell you why you are acting the way that you are.
They will act badly and then they will blame it on things their parents or their ex did to them and how much it hurt them. They will do this so that you can feel sympathy for them.
Not Taking Responsibility
A narcissist is never at fault for anything bad, even when they do it. They will always blame their behavior on you or someone else. Sometimes they will use this technique to make you think you are the reason they act the way that they do.
Leave and Come Back
A narcissist will make the love bombing part of the beginning of the relationship so that you will praise them but then out of nowhere they will disappear. They will do things to make you think that they have left you and you will wonder what you could have done wrong.
Then they will come back to you and make you feel the best you have ever felt. They will do this so that you will feel addicted to them.
A Narcissistic Relationship
If you find yourself in a narcissistic relationship, you need to know that there is hope and that you can get out of the mind games that you are facing.
See Them for Who They Are
You have to see this person for who they are and what they are doing to you. Do not think about the good things they have done but see the negative things and the hurt they are causing.
Focus on Yourself
You have to focus on what you want in your life, and you have to breakup with them. Do not let their unrealistic behavior hold you back.
Boundaries
Every relationship needs boundaries and if you are with a narcissist, this is even more so. Boundaries will help you to be protected and will keep you safe.
Changes
A narcissist will feel threatened when they think that you are leaving them, and they will demand things from you. They will try to distance themselves and then come back. Have boundaries and do not let them cross them or they will keep going in the same cycle with you.
Spend Time with Others
Take time to spend with your family and friends and spend less time with your partner. This will show them that you will not take their nonsense.
Hobbies
Find a new hobby and volunteer your time to help others. This will make you feel good and will not make you feel that you need to be validated.
Support
Find a support group or someone that can help you to deal with yourself after being in this kind of relationship.
Get Help
When you get with a narcissist, they will hardly ever admit that they have a problem. Try to get them to admit this and get professional help for them and for you. They will have no empathy for you, and they will hardly ever take responsibility for what they do.
They will have complex emotions and when you can get them to talk to someone that will not judge them then you can help yourself and them to move forward and to find a way for change.
It is shown that people that get therapy have an easier time dealing with their emotions. Therapy will help both people in the relationship to get past problems and to figure out how to help the unhealthy relationship. They can address certain problems and give treatment. Therapy is a useful way to keep the barriers and can help the couple to make it through these situations.
Therapy can be online or in person and when you are dealing with someone with complex emotions, therapy can help to work through the emotions so that the person can learn to control themselves. If you are in this type of relationship, get the help that you need right away.