When an Avoidant Personality Loves You

Avoidant Personality

Are you constantly asking yourself if he loves you or if he doesn’t? If this is happening then chances are you are dealing with someone that might have an avoidant personality. This can be someone that doesn’t seem to have the emotions that you have and someone that loves you one minute and doesn’t seem to love you the next.

Do these people play hard to get? Chances are the answer is no and that they really are just emotionally unstable. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have feelings for you or that he doesn’t love you, it just means that he is that kind of personality. There are around 2% of people in the United States that are avoidant personalities. This is a person that is shy, sensitive, and anxious. They often are diagnosed with a personality disorder.

What is an Avoidant Personality?

Someone with this personality will have a hard time in relationships because of their fear of intimacy and love. There are two different kinds of this personality style including: fearful avoidant and dismissive avoidant.

People that have fearful avoidant personalities often have a hard time letting people in their lives. The person with the dismissive personality disorder will be someone that doesn’t show emotions or someone that is always independent.

It can be hard to deal with people of either of these personality styles and there are signs that you can find out if the person loves you or not, even with this personality. These signs can show you that the person has the ability to show you love even if their love language is different than you. Once you can recognize the clues, you can figure out if you can continue in the relationship or not.

Before you think that this relationship is over, some people just aren’t able to love like you do. They express their love differently than other people.

Signs He Loves You

Here are some signs an avoidant personality loves you:

Putting Up a Wall

Some avoidant people will put up a wall and will be hard to have intimacy. They seem to have no emotion and they will avoid love. They will have a hard time being vulnerable and when they do show this, it means that they are loving you.

Like Minded

Most couples want someone that thinks like they do and when you are with an avoidant person, they will try to keep up with you by being like you are. They will not admit this, but they will try and cope with what you want from them.


This kind of person will be independent and they will not like to have help form you. The more dependent they become the more they are opening up to you.

Love Language

You cannot expect an avoidant person to love the same way that you do. They might not text you like you want or they might not respond but when they do they are putting in an effort.

Hidden Cues

Pay attention to hidden cues from this personality type.  Maybe they are holding your hand or showing you affection. This can be the right track.

Listen and Look

Don’t get frustrated at this personality type and avoid judging them. Try to say what you want out of them but make sure you are being kind and open.


A person that loves you will tell you how they are feeling. If they are in a stressful situation, an avoidant person will usually keep it to themselves unless they are getting close to you. Then, they will open up and rant to you.

Making a Move

When a guy seems to be playing hard to get, it can be confusing. A person that is an avoidant will fear being rejected and they will be insecure. This means you might need to make the first move.


An avoidant person will have a hard time bonding with you. They will not have the emotions to show you what they feel. Let them have time to open up to you slowly.


If you want to stay with this person, chances are that you need to have couples therapy. This can help you to connect with each other. They will be able to open up more when they are put on the spot by a therapist and this can be healing in your relationship.

Therapy can help you to have a deeper relationship with an avoidant personality and if you put the effort in and they are trying too, give them a chance. Sometimes they don’t do good in romantic situations and sometimes they can work through things and make it happen.

Make Them Miss You

Here are some ways that you can make an avoidant person miss you:

Give Them a Break

Give them a break and some time away from you. Sometimes they feel smothered, and they need to have someone that will give them space.

Find a Hobby

Find a hobby that you love to do and do it on your own. If he needs time to get away and escape, you do it by doing your own thing. This will make him miss you.

Addictive Feelings

Make him want you and do things that makes him think about you. Cook for him and give him small gifts. Don’t overdo this thought.


Build trust with him. Do this by being vulnerable even if he isn’t. Find things that he can tell you and keep his secrets.

Hold On

Take time to hold on. Don’t go after him and don’t overwhelm him. If he needs space, hold on and give it to him.

Make Plans

It can be hard for an avoidant to make plans so you make them. Plan something and then tell him about it so he will commit.

Know Their Triggers

Pay attention to his triggers and avoid setting him off. Let him know that he has a safe place to go and that he can open up to you without you getting him upset.

Comfortable Place

Be a comfortable place for him to go when something is wrong. Be open hearted and open minded to him. Avoid judging him and being in his personal space when he needs a break.

Final Thoughts

If you are with someone that is an avoidant personality, they can still love you but this is on their own terms. You have to remember that people are not going to always be like you. If you want to be with him, read the signs above and give him the space he needs. You might have the best chemistry in the whole world but you need to realize who you are dealing with and what you can do to make it work.


  1. I appreciate the detailed signs of how an avoidant personality might express love. It offers a different perspective on what might otherwise be perceived as indifference.

  2. The recommendation for therapy is a strong point. Professional help can offer structured guidance, which might be more effective than self-help tips alone.

    • I agree. Therapy can provide a safe space for both parties to express themselves and work through their issues with a trained professional.

  3. The article provides a comprehensive overview of avoidant personality traits and their implications for relationships. However, it would have been helpful to include some empirical studies or data to support these claims.

  4. It’s interesting to see how avoidant personalities manifest in romantic relationships. The practical advice given is useful, but I wonder about the long-term viability of such relationships.

    • Indeed, while the advice is practical, continuous effort from both parties is necessary to maintain such a relationship. It’s not a one-size-fits-all solution.

    • Good point. Long-term sustainability is a valid concern. Consistent avoidance behaviors could potentially lead to significant emotional strain.

  5. The article does a great job explaining the two types of avoidant personalities. However, it would be beneficial to include more strategies for those who are on the receiving end.

    • Agreed. While understanding is crucial, actionable strategies for the other partner would enhance the article’s practicality.


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