You can never rewrite the past, no matter how much you may hope otherwise. This is why it frequently does not work to be friends with your ex. After you break-up you require a significant period of time to grieve the end of a relationship. Although in the moment, it may feel comforting to try to shift back into being friends with your ex, in reality it stirs up a number of complications and potential for pain.
You may feel that by being friends immediately with an ex can help you resolve unfinished business. You may also be afraid that separation will hurt them or yourself. You might also be afraid of being alone, and by having them as a friend can ease your transition into a new phase of your life. Instead of turning to your ex, the friend, turn to a therapist. Examine what you seek in maintaining contact and it can help you gain a new sense of clarity of what you need to improve upon in your life.
Read on to discover five reasons to distance yourself from your ex:
- You gain time and space to heal without complications. A breakup is a major loss and you need a grief period to process your feelings and emotions. Being in regular contact with your ex only delays this process caused unnecessary hurt.
- You are able to begin a new chapter in your life. You need to shed the version of you that was present as one half of this former couple. Through the breakup you will gain new insights into who you want to be and who would want by your side in the future.
- You kids might get confused. Children typically have a desire for their parents to get back together romantically. So, although it is essential you and your ex are cordial and communicative as coparents, being close friends might cause your kids undue pain trying to get you both to reconcile.
- If you went friends to begin with the resentment will only grow. If you weren’t friend to begin with, unresolved feelings will only cause you both to experience a range of negative emotions and complicate your healing process.
- You need time for you! It will be tough for you to feel free to explore new sides of yourself or go out on dates if you remain friends with your ex immediately after a breakup. You run the risk of them deterring your healing progress and keeping you trapped in a box that you weren’t meant to occupy.
It’s hard to create distance from a person that was once so dear to you. But you need to accept that this chapter of your life is over and prepare yourself for your next great adventure. This doesn’t mean that you can’t ever be friends with your ex. Just not soon after a breakup. Instead focus on yourselves and healing the trauma of this loss. In time, you might be able to once again enjoy each other’s company, but in a healthy manner that doesn’t stir up a host of unnecessary memories or complicated emotions.