We generally have the expectation that our romantic partners will be supportive when we need them. From time to time, our subconscious will take inventory of our partner’s successes and failings to see if they measure up to our expectations.
If you find your relationship lacking, here are eight reasons you may be setting standards too high:
- You are too self-centered.
While we think we will be happier if others behave the way we want them to, there is no rule, nor should there be any expectation on our part that they should. Scholar George Valliant has studied human happiness and states,” A cardinal rule for happiness is not to think less of ourselves, but to think of ourselves less.” This means you will feel happier if you think about your significant other before you think about yourself. Your relationship will be more satisfying if you focus on your overall happiness rather than expecting your partner to live up to your unspoken demands.
- There’s No Commitment
If there is no understood commitment between two people, it is ridiculous to expect partners to make the kind of compromises that are key parts of relationships. You are setting your expectations too high if you want your partner to act as if you are committed when you are not.
- You’ve Cheated (or Considered Cheating)
If you have been unfaithful or considered being unfaithful, you have no room to claim your partner is making you unhappy. People who have cheated on their partners often say they strayed because their love didn’t measure up in some way. It is absurd to expect one person to be the sole source of their happiness. It is setting the bar far too high to demand that one person fulfill all of your needs.
- You Rely on Them for Your Excitement and Romance
You expect them to do all of the work. You need to work together if you want a romantic and exciting relationship. You need to take on some of the responsibility. Provide some of the adventures you crave, and you will find that both of you are thrilled.
- You want mind-blowing sex, but don’t work at it.
In a committed relationship, sex can become routine. This doesn’t have to happen if both partners are willing to work together to keep things interesting. Communicate your needs to your partner, so they know what you like and need.
- You aren’t willing to make sacrifices.
If you don’t want to make sacrifices or compromises, you can’t expect your partner to do so. You are setting the bar too high if you want something but aren’t willing to meet them halfway.
- You Let Technology Get in the Way
Too often, we are distracted by our phones, computers, or televisions. This can keep us from engaging with the person in the same room as us. Communicating solely through technology can also cause a strain on a relationship. If you have a problem, wait until you can speak to the person rather than relying on texts or emails to push your point forward.
- You Expect too Much Out of Life.
Your overall expectations are too high if you push yourself to the point of exhaustion trying to reach an impossible goal. While it is important to have goals, if we expect money, looks, or a perfect home to make us fulfilled and happy, we ultimately will be disappointed. This disappointment can lead us to find our relationships to be lacking.
So, learn to set realistic expectations and talk about expectations with your partner. Make sure they feel safe to share their own expectations so you can help one another.