Some people are in strong relationships, but some are in insecure relationships with their partners or had this with an ex. There are signs that an insecure ex might come back to you, and this is a person that has an insecure attachment style where they are overly avoidant or anxious or even both.
Even though an ex might come back to you even if they aren’t insecure, this article talks about signs that an insecure ex might come back to you and here are some of the signs:
Nudge Principle
The Nudge Principle is an attachment principle. This talks about how an ex will come back if they have an anxious attachment style and is someone that wants to be intimate, but they don’t let very many people close to them to give them the intimacy that they want.
They are someone that is self-sufficient and independent, and this plays over into their relationship. They are with someone, but they can leave at any time. If this sounds like someone that you dated, most likely they have avoidant attachment style, and the Nudge Principle says that the dumper will think of reconnecting with you, and they will show this by sending you texts to see if you react or show that you would take them back.
This can include:
- Flirting.
- Talking about the future to see how you respond.
- Bringing up the past to see how you talk about it.
This works with the attachment styles that are insecure and they will test you before they ever try to open up to you that they want you back.
Nostalgic Reverie Principle
This is when someone won’t allow themselves to miss their ex until they feel that their ex has moved on with someone else and then they can take time to grieve for their loss. This is sometimes why an ex will take so long to reach back out to someone.
When the Nostalgic Reverie Principle kicks in, they will grieve and then they will reach out later after the breakup. This happens when they start thinking about the good times that they shared with their ex. It can even take up to a couple of months for them to come back to you.
Emotional Intimacy
People that have insecure attachments want to be independent and they like to have space, but they also want to have you close enough to give them what they want. They want to be intimate but won’t ever let you get close enough to be intimate.
A person like this will do what it takes to get a girlfriend or boyfriend but then as soon as they do, they will leave because they don’t want to be vulnerable. If you do get this person to open up to you then the next day, they might leave you.
Pulling Back
One way to handle this kind of attachment is when they start to pull back from you, you pull back from them. This can be someone that has an anxious personality, and they do this because they are afraid of being abandoned. They might want you back, but they can be both hot and cold.
They might do whatever it takes to get you to want them back but then as soon as they are successful, they will disappear again. They do this over and over again and once you start to get close, they let you go again.
Focusing On the Good Times
People with avoidant personalities are people that often focus on the peak of the relationship. They base all of their memories on the best times in the relationship and they forget to look at the bad times.
Final Thoughts
The best way that you can figure out if your ex wants you back is to pay attention to the moments that they bring up to you. If they are bringing up the best moments in the relationship, then chances are that they want to be back with you.
An avoidant ex might bring up a memory that has emotions, but this is rare and if this is happening then it can help you to understand more what they are doing and what they are thinking.