Although the season is ripe with new beginnings, we don’t always know if we’re ready for them. Clients are always bringing up common themes this time of year: “Am I ready for a new relationship? Can you help me know if I’m really ready to trust again?” As an advisor, I love these questions! If you’re asking, it means you’re giving some thought to a new relationship instead of just diving into a potentially messy situation. Over many years and many clients, I’ve come to find some common themes that point to a person’s readiness to begin again.
The biggest obstacle to starting a new relationship is ongoing blame, grudges, and anger towards an ex. I know, these feelings can be powerful—I’ve been there, too! Depending on the length and intensity of the relationship, it can take years to completely forgive your ex-partner.
Now, do clients have to 100 percent forgive their ex-partner to be able to be in a new relationship? No—but they need to have at least started processing their blame and anger. Otherwise, these feelings will get projected in some fashion onto the new partner. If I read for someone and their field is full of their ex’s energy, or there is a lot of anger or grief, we will clear and process some of this energy. Some clients will feel angry at themselves for their role in the relationship and need to forgive themselves. At the end of the reading, I may tell them they need to do more work before meeting someone new. They don’t always listen—they’re only human! But 90 percent of the time, they come back in with a new relationship wrought with the same mistakes, same patterns, and same heartache (and headache) of the old relationship.
Clients who actively participate in processing feelings and working toward forgiveness gain a greater clarity into their patterns of dysfunction. Hopefully, this clarity empowers them to find a new relationship free of these destructive habits and full of the love they crave.
Clients who hate their bodies attract partners who are judgmental about their bodies. Those who feel they aren’t good enough might settle for a relationship that doesn’t suit their needs. People who don’t trust will attract those who are untrustworthy.
The best way to attract a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship is to practice self-love. Clients often have no idea what this looks like. For my part, as an intuitive advisor, I help them become aware of their energetic defenses and the lies they harbor about themselves. Lies like “I’m no good” or “I can’t trust anyone” or “I’m not safe with men.” People are often not even aware that these tapes are being played subconsciously and shaping their entire lives.
Once aware of these faulty beliefs, I recommend working closely with a healer, psychic, astrologer, or therapist to move on from self-hate towards self-love. Even if you don’t feel a strong sense of self-loathing, there are still practices that help with any insecurities you might have. My favorite is to imagine the young child within that is still hungry for love. You don’t have to focus on traumatic or negative memories. Just the sheer awareness of your inner child can soften your attitude toward yourself.
I have clients bring in a picture of themselves at anywhere from two to eight years of age. I ask them to create an altar for this child. The altar can include toys, flowers, artwork, a favorite saved baby dress—whatever honors their memory. Then I ask clients to spend just a few moments daily with their younger selves. Looking at your sweet, lovely, innocent face fosters feelings of love, protection, and devotion toward yourself! You love this child—which translates as love towards yourself. Clients who commit to this process know how to care for their young energy. This allows them to be more vulnerable, which allows greater connection with other humans. Self-loving clients attract others who are in that same process of discovery and self-care.
Letting Go of Fear
The old adage is true: when you aren’t looking for love, love will find you.
When clients come to me with desperation in their aura, I know they aren’t ready. This is most common among people who are afraid to be alone, and afraid of what that says about them in society. Frantically scrambling for a loving and healthy relationship is a losing game. Your desperation will cloud the clarity necessary to find a good match.
Most people—and yes, there are exceptions—will have times in their life when they aren’t in a relationship. I had a client who was single for over 20 years. She really had come to accept a life without a partner. When she let go of the final vestige of self-judgment around her single status, she found great peace. Two years later, she eloped to Hawaii, hand-in-hand with a new, loving partner.
There are some souls who incarnate without many karmic relationship agreements. They want to work on self-reliance or take a break from the whole dynamic of a romantic relationship. People born with these agreements usually recognize them as their personal truth, and so they aren’t that worried about it. Astrology is one effective way that you can learn about your possible relationship karma, and understand what “school” of relationship you came here to practice.
The best way to be ready for a new relationship is to work with all three of the concepts I’ve mentioned. There is no right time to move on, even if you envy all the new couples frolicking around in the summertime sun! Sit back in your beach chair, bask in the light, and love yourself.