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How to Move Past an Affair

Nothing turns your world upside down quite like finding out your lover is having an affair. Discovering a cheating partner often shatters the trust built in the relationship beyond repair, and means it’s over for some people. Whether you choose to salvage the relationship or call it quits, you have to take a long journey to move past an affair. The good news is it can be done. You can heal from a partner’s infidelity. Healing after infidelity happens in a series of 4 stages.

Absorb the Surprise

At this point, your head is still reeling from learning that your lover has not been faithful. You’re shocked, angry, and most likely feeling waves of depression. The most common question people ask in this moment is ‘why?’ You want to figure out who to blame for your failed love. Is it the cheater, or did you do something wrong to drive them away?

The most important thing to do right now is SLOW DOWN. Do not make major decisions or changes to your life while you are still unbalanced from this shakeup. Focus on grounding yourself and taking care of you physically. Eat a balanced diet. Get enough sleep. The important thing is to clear your head enough to react rationally.

Reflect on the Relationship

Cheaters usually have a reason to cheat. It is not always valid, but it is there. Usually, the affair happens to supplement some aspect of the relationship that is missing or faulty. It is time for you to look back on your relationship, honestly, and determine what was missing. Did you and your lover have a hard time communicating effectively? Was intimacy lacking on a regular basis?

These kinds of questions can be hard to answer if you thought your relationship was fine up to this point. It’s a good time to consult a love psychic or marriage counselor to help give you some insight. If you are trying to repair your relationship, both partners need to be present for this part. You cannot fix it alone. If your cheating partner is not willing to work things out, it’s time to walk away.

Work Out Your Pain

Society today is quick to tell folks to “get over it” on any given topic. Nobody has the patience to watch you work through your anger and grief. Please ignore this type of negative pressure. It will not help you heal. You’ll only redirect your pain. It will eventually manifest again as self-doubts and insecurities in future relationships.

It is perfectly normally to feel a range of negative emotions in this type of situation. You are justified in feeling sad, hurt, and angry. It is reasonable to grieve your lost relationship. Don’t let others pressure you into suppressing these feelings. Instead, let them play out and release them.

Learn to Trust Again

Depending on the circumstances, a relationship can heal after infidelity. If both partners are willing to try, you can renew your bond and even regain the trust that was broken. First and foremost, the cheating partner must recognize the pain they have caused. They will have to establish more transparency to encourage you to believe in their renewed commitment to the relationship. At the same time, you must actively try to let go of your anger and trust them  again. This is another process where the guidance of a psychic or counselor would be beneficial.

Above all, be patient. Healing from this level of hurt takes time. Relationship counselors report that it takes the average couple at least 2 years to recuperate from infidelity with both partners making an effort. If your partnership cannot be salvaged, don’t push it. Walking away is the first step to your own personal healing.

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