We all feel guilt. It is the usual reaction when we have a loss or other trauma, particularly when we feel that someone has been physically or spiritually victimized. Life events can take a toll on us on many levels.  The resulting guilt can diminish the way we feel about ourselves, particularly when our resources are challenged. In addition, we feel guilt when we don’t act in the way that we expect ourselves to.  This can lead us into a spiral of second-guessing ourselves and assigning blame when we don’t react properly.  Again, this self-assigned guilt can take a toll.

• Guilt leads to cloudy thoughts

When our brains feel foggy, it leads to distracted thoughts, an inability to learn new things, and reduced concentration. If you have difficulty remembering key bits of concentration, it could be caused by guilt.

• Weight gain can be linked to guilt

Guilt causes stress, and when you are stressed, you want comfort food. Unfortunately, these foods aren’t always good for you; the calories stick around permanently, even if they make you feel good temporarily. This leads to more guilt and stress, and the cycle continues. If you get into the habit of making good choices when it comes to nutrition, you will feel less comforted by doughnuts and the like.

• Guilt can hold you back from your life’s enjoyment

If you feel guilty, relaxing and enjoying your life is impossible.  Guilt can tell you that you do not deserve the good things that come your way.  If you can’t respond happily to life’s joys like a wedding or baptism, it could be that your guilt is stopping you.

• Guilt causes you to punish yourself

Guilt can make you feel like you deserve pain and suffering. It may be that you feel like you can achieve solace from penance, that it can make you better. It is only natural since we many cultures, feel pain helps purify the soul and spirit. This type of self-punishment can manifest as negative self-talk and even go so far as self-mutilation. If you have gone this far, seek medical attention.

• There are better ways to survive guilt

It sounds simple, resolve your guilt to feel better. If you need to apologize, do it!  If you absolutely can’t, do kind things for other people. Ask the universe for forgiveness.  If the person you have wronged has passed on, seeking help from a psychic medium can help.   Your unresolved guilt can punish others like your immediate family and friends. When you can’t be your best self, others suffer.

Realize that everyone is only human and that you shouldn’t have to pay for your mistakes for the rest of your life. Make amends and move on.

Love isn’t enough, at least not according to those of us living in healthy relationships. I’ve spent the past year looking for love and wondering why everyone keeps saying it isn’t enough. Two of the most commonly used words to describe successful relationships were not four-letter words starting with “L” … they were “compromise” and “sacrifice.” Yet, according to Relationships Australia, over 90 percent of us still say we marry for love.

Do Happiness and Love Go Hand in Hand?

Love is a powerful emotion; it can be both inspiring and drive us mad. Still, most of us want to feel love, even with its exciting unpredictability and lack of a guarantee, but is it enough? Do you need more than love to make you happy?

Can Happiness Live or Last on Love Alone?

Falling in love may be enough to start a relationship, but it’s not all we need to make us happy in a relationship, and it’s certainly not enough to sustain it. You can be happy because of love, but you can’t be in love when you’re not happy—not if you expect it to last. So what do you need to make you happy? Is it respect, trust, compatibility, or maybe commitment? Could you be truly happy if your relationship didn’t have any of those qualities?

Cause and Effect

Love is an emotion and a powerful motivator. It can make us overlook the absence of a lot of things we want or need in a relationship. That’s called “sacrifice,” and it’s a choice we make. We choose what we will and will not accept in love. However, if someone continually asks you to sacrifice or forgive them in the name of love, that’s not a choice. And there’s no way that’s making you happy.

Love can help you gloss over problems in a relationship, but if you have the thought that love can help you overcome those problems, then you’re probably the type of person who cleans a floor by sweeping dust under the rug. Eventually, those dust bunnies grow bigger and more problematic, and you’ll need more than love to tackle them.

The Foundation of Love and Happiness

How many of us have experienced being in love with someone who was all wrong for us? That can easily happen when we jump into a relationship based on raw emotion with no foundation to back it up. Although the emotional, lusty part of love is hot, it sometimes gets put on the back burner when life’s inevitable, practical side demands attention. That’s when you’ll need more than love to make you happy. Your happiness, the long-lasting kind, also depends on having a partner who is supportive, reliable, respectful, and who has similar values to your own.

Betting on the Future

You may indeed fall in love with someone who is not right for you—it happens. But if you fall for someone you already know is incompatible with you or someone whose values aren’t aligned with yours in the hopes that things will change—they probably won’t. You can’t make someone follow your dreams, align with your values, or be someone they’re not. If you think you can, you’ll be betting on your future happiness, and the odds aren’t in your favor. So instead, find someone who realizes that you both need more than love to make you happy.

Current society seems to be locked into a culture of blame.  You hear the words accident and “my bad,” so often, the words seem to have lost all meaning.   When you embrace the blame cycle, you are giving your power to somebody else.  If you are passed up for a promotion or opportunity, do you tend to hold someone else responsible? Are you resentful because everyone else has while you have not?  When you do this, you’ve given up control of your success and happiness.

Do you feel powerless?

By blaming everyone else for the things that are wrong in your world, you reinforce the thought that you are weak and not in control of your own life.

Do you feel like a victim?

When faced with negativity, do you ask the world, “Why me?” Don’t do this!   This implies that you think you did something to deserve the terrible thing that befell you.   By acting like a victim, you tell the world that you have no power.

Have you become negative?

By blaming the world and others for your bad luck and disappointments, you are opening yourself up to negativity.  Inviting negativity can backfire by isolating you from the positive aspect of your life.

Instead, focus on something you can be grateful for, which can turn your viewpoint around.  Take the lesson, not the loss.

Do you feel stuck?

Do you find yourself complaining or feeling frustrated over the same thing over and over? If you have, you are most definitely stuck.  It’s not hopeless. You can certainly break free.  If you are stuck due to an external trauma, seek help.  You can always take a self-defense class if you feel frightened or out of control. Start forgiving and stop blaming.

We can not control the world around us, and that’s fine.  Even though you can’t control the challenges life hands you, you certainly can control how you respond.

We generally have the expectation that our romantic partners will be supportive when we need them.  From time to time, our subconscious will take inventory of our partner’s successes and failings to see if they measure up to our expectations.

If you find your relationship lacking, here are eight reasons you may be setting standards too high:

• You are too self-centered.

While we think we will be happier if others behave the way we want them to, there is no rule, nor should there be any expectation on our part that they should.  Scholar George Valliant has studied human happiness and states,” A cardinal rule for happiness is not to think less of ourselves, but to think of ourselves less.” This means you will feel happier if you think about your significant other before you think about yourself.  Your relationship will be more satisfying if you focus on your overall happiness rather than expecting your partner to live up to your unspoken demands.

• There’s No Commitment

If there is no understood commitment between two people, it is ridiculous to expect partners to make the kind of compromises that are key parts of relationships. You are setting your expectations too high if you want your partner to act as if you are committed when you are not.

• You’ve Cheated (or Considered Cheating)

If you have been unfaithful or considered being unfaithful, you have no room to claim your partner is making you unhappy.   People who have cheated on their partners often say they strayed because their love didn’t measure up in some way. It is absurd to expect one person to be the sole source of their happiness. It is setting the bar far too high to demand that one person fulfill all of your needs.

•  You Rely on Them for Your Excitement and Romance

You expect them to do all of the work.   You need to work together if you want a romantic and exciting relationship.  You need to take on some of the responsibility.  Provide some of the adventures you crave, and you will find that both of you are thrilled.

• You want mind-blowing sex, but don’t work at it.

In a committed relationship, sex can become routine.  This doesn’t have to happen if both partners are willing to work together to keep things interesting.   Communicate your needs to your partner, so they know what you like and need.

• You aren’t willing to make sacrifices.

If you don’t want to make sacrifices or compromises, you can’t expect your partner to do so. You are setting the bar too high if you want something but aren’t willing to meet them halfway.

• You Let Technology Get in the Way

Too often, we are distracted by our phones, computers, or televisions. This can keep us from engaging with the person in the same room as us.  Communicating solely through technology can also cause a strain on a relationship. If you have a problem, wait until you can speak to the person rather than relying on texts or emails to push your point forward.

• You Expect too Much Out of Life.

Your overall expectations are too high if you push yourself to the point of exhaustion trying to reach an impossible goal.  While it is important to have goals, if we expect money, looks, or a perfect home to make us fulfilled and happy, we ultimately will be disappointed. This disappointment can lead us to find our relationships to be lacking.

So, learn to set realistic expectations and talk about expectations with your partner. Make sure they feel safe to share their own expectations so you can help one another.