If you’re struggling in your relationship chances are… you’ll blame yourself but take it easy as it may not be your fault. Yes, you can blame modern technology, which benefits your life in many ways but could be hurting your romantic life. Here are seven modern romantic pitfalls and how to avoid them.

1. Dramatic Advertisements
You know those really insane ads that use high drama to sell you something? Whether it’s a cup of coffee or a watch, these ads go to extremes to prove that your life could be better. And you’re so used to seeing it, that you start to believe your life has to be just as dramatic and extreme. The truth is that the best relationships have their mundane and even boring periods, and that’s okay. It’s the price you pay for security and stability.

2. Instant Gratification
We rarely have to wait long for anything these days. We can get a pizza delivered in under 30 minutes, so giving a relationship time to improve seems unreasonable. However, perfect love takes time to achieve and it’s constantly evolving. Great relationships are void of instant gratification.

3. Social Media Blasting
Do you turn to social media when you’re fighting with your partner? Perhaps you do it to gain support or just just feel like publically shaming them for wronging you. It’s a mistake. Instead, keep your tiffs private and give your partner the opportunity to make things right before putting them on blast. Once you put something on the Internet it stays there forever.

4. Texting, Not Talking
Love is an all-sense experience. It needs to be heard, seen, tasted, touched and smelled. However, a good portion of couples prefer to communicate via text. The problem is that the meaning and sentiment of their words get lost. Texting is an impersonal way to communicate, even if you use emojis. If you have something important to say, it’s better to call them. Even better than a call is a face-to-face meeting.

5. Multitasking
You may think you’re listening intently to your partner vent about their day while you’re checking social media or texting on your phone, but you’re not. Not only are you not giving your partner the attention they deserve, you’re also not paying close enough attention to whatever you’re doing on your phone. Our modern society prizes multitasking, but some things deserve your full attention—especially your relationship. Put the phone down. Better yet, have a technology curfew every night so you can focus on other important things.

6. Sex First, Love Later
Some dating apps normalize casual sex to the point where many people have sex first before falling in love. That’s fine if a hookup is all you’re looking for. But some people actually want to have a relationship and are investing emotions into strangers. Sex is easy; love is not. If you always lead with sex, you may not find the love you want.

7. Fear of Dependence
Some people worry that falling in love will cause them to lose their independence. As a result, when in a relationship they don’t spend nearly enough time with their partner as a team. If you feel your relationship is hindering your personal growth, you need to look at love differently. Healthy relationships are between two people who navigate their individual journeys together.

Take the Hard Road

Think about everything your parents and grandparents did to find and keep love. Your journey is much easier in many ways. The effort they made translated to more risk, but also greater commitment. The same is true today. The more you put into something, the more you’ll fight to keep it, and the more effort you’ll receive in return from a partner. Just because there are easier options, that doesn’t make them better options.

One of the most common reason why someone calls a psychic would be to their love life. Let’s get real,  Wouldn’t it be great if you could just call up a psychic and have them find your soulmate for you? Or if, when you’re in the middle of an argument with your lover, you could call your psychic and have them tell you whether you should bother salvaging the relationship or not?

Actually, no. We’re all here to learn lessons in life, and we learn some of our greatest lessons through relationships – and that includes both the ecstasy and the heartbreak. Life would be sorely diminished if we didn’t find – and lose – love of our own accord.

However, although no psychic can find love for you, a talented psychic love reader can do a lot to help you navigate the dating minefield with greater success.

Working Out What You Need Right Now – and What You Don’t

Through reading your aura and sensing your energies, a good psychic should be able to pick up on your relationship needs. Perhaps you need a strong, decisive partner to lean on; perhaps you need someone who will put the fun and frivolity back into your life; perhaps you need someone who is committed to starting a family, or someone who won’t balk at your desire to travel the world.

We’re all different, and our relationship needs change as life evolves. Your psychic can help you pinpoint what state of life you’re at, and what you need a partner to bring you right now. Equally importantly, a psychic can help you figure out what you definitely do not need. Not another guy whose mother is on a pedestal, please. Oh, and not another guy who thinks the accounts are more important than your birthday.

By understanding your own unique relationship needs better, you can get a head start on the type of person most likely to click with you.

Breaking Free of Past Relationship Patterns

Unless you’ve never had a relationship before, you’re entering the dating game complete with your very own set of emotional baggage. For whatever reason, your previous relationship didn’t work out – and perhaps the one, or three, before that didn’t work out either.

With the help of a psychic, you might be surprised to find that the patterns you’ve lived through are surprisingly similar, from one relationship to the next. A good psychic will have insight into what went wrong in the past, and why – and how you can avoid making the same mistakes again.

Often in life we repeat the same cycles, over and over, until we finally learn the lesson. With the help of your psychic, you can learn this particular love lesson so much faster, opening the way towards a more successful and lasting relationship.

Finding Mr or Ms Right

OK, so you know what you need from a partner, and you know how to avoid previous mistakes – but where are you likely to find the right guy or girl for you? This is where your psychic comes into their own, with glimpse of future possibilities.

Ask for information about where you might find love. It’s unlikely that a psychic could tell you “Next Tuesday – the guy who trips over in front of you on the subway steps!” – the answers you get are more likely to be quite cryptic. However, at some point soon, you’ll find yourself in that position and things will suddenly make sense. A good psychic can help you be more aware of the kind of situations where love is likely to arise – and this can help you get one step closer towards the lasting love you’re seeking.

“Take every chance you have so that you won’t regret it!” or, “I shouldn’t have let that happen…” You know the process. You do something; then you realize you did something you wish you didn’t do.

Maybe you broke someone else’s trust, and now you’re overwhelmed with guilt. Perhaps you compromised on your principles in some way, and now you’re terrified that your world will come crashing down. But, regardless of what you did, you can feel your anxiety like a sack of red-hot bowling balls surgically implanted in your gut. (Too dramatic? Perhaps. But regret is rarely reasonable!)

It’s the dreaded, “Oh no! What was I thinking?” moment when you know you’ve done something you shouldn’t have, and you see only two possible outcomes: either, “I might not be able to fix this!” or, “I’m certainly going to lose something important!”

Both of those things might be true. In fact, they often are. Actions do have consequences. We do lose things all through life. Nothing is permanent, not even the most secure relationship. But none of this has to be catastrophic.

Sometimes, losing one thing leaves you open to something else. It may be a lesson that helps you become more effective and happier in the future. Or, it could be a new possibility that you never even considered the possibility of actually seeking, like that dream you put off to go work that job you just lost. Then again, it’s possible that you won’t discern any benefit right away; maybe you’ll wish you went a different way, grieve what you lost, and then eventually let it go and move on.

The point is you will eventually be able to let go and move on.

And because you’re a strong, smart, capable person, you will certainly find ways to make this new direction meaningful for you. You will make up for what you lost by gaining something equally important in the aftermath, whether it’s a new understanding of your strengths, a new idea of who you want to be, or a new opportunity to try again but a little wiser this time around.

It’s hard to think that way when you feel your dream job slipping through your fingers or you miss someone who made your life fuller than it could possibly be on your own. What’s important to remember is that no matter what changes or what slips away, you can still do something meaningful and fulfilling from right where you are. That’s how to let go of regrets when they start overwhelming your sense of optimism and possibility. Need more ideas to let your regret fade away?

Here are some positive affirmations that may help you let go of regret.

Don’t even allow regrets. Instead, make each decision with the fullness of heart and mind. Try to view mistakes as lessons learned; they are not meant to be regrets. Do differently next time, and there will be nothing to regret. Try not to think “what if.” Live by all your heart, not by your head.

It takes time and patience, but try to think of all of the positives that came out of the situation. Trust that each experience is a lesson in the journey you’ve chosen and embarked upon. Embrace both the light and the dark, and trust that everybody is exactly where they should be on their journey in this life.

Don’t attach yourself to your emotions. Instead, breathe, reflect, learn, and forgive yourself. Then, recognize the emotion, let it go, and move on.

Regret is a waste of time. Don’t hold on to it. Instead, find something better to replace it. We may come to regret the time we spent regretting unless we’ve learned from the regrets and focus on making a more centered and peaceful now, where we strive to create fewer regrets and more love.

Having some regrets may not be a bad thing. They can make you strive for better. If you never had them, you wouldn’t grow spiritually. Your preconceptions of regrets determine how they affect you, positively or negatively.

Regrets are visitors in the guest house of the mind. But, like all feelings, they come and go. And sometimes, life gives you circumstances that simply have to be grieved. There’s no way around that. So feel it, review it, learn it, shed it.

Every time a regret crosses your mind, set your mind instead on something positive in your life. Every bad decision can be rectified, depending on how much work you’re willing to put into it.

Every feeling has a purpose related to survival. Regret can be useful. You can’t hope to change this fact because it’s simply part of life. You can instead learn to deal with feelings of regret by reflecting on them, then learning from mistakes, then finally letting go.

What helps you let go of regrets?

Ideal person, beautiful and smart yet unlucky in love?

Many beautiful women reported a history of bad relationships: unfaithful boyfriends or husbands, frank physical or verbal abuse by their partners or a loss of interest by the men from whom they most wanted that interest. There are lots of reasons for this. Here are a few:

1. If you have come from a home where you were neglected, criticized, or abused, your self-worth will likely be less than it should be. Recall Marilyn Monroe: famous, beautiful, and talented, but insecure and unlucky in love. A woman with the background I’ve just described often looks for approval from someone who unconsciously reminds her of the person who failed to love her as a child. It is as if the unconscious mind is still looking for the thing that was never achieved before (love or approval), and it only has value if it can come from a similar kind of person. Of course, since the parent in question was neglectful or critical, the chosen substitute will likely be that way as well, providing the woman with another chance to prove herself. Unfortunately, given her poor choice of a partner, the sought-for affection and approval often are no more likely than they were in childhood.
2. Whether male or female, if you moved too often as a kid, the insecurity of being the new kid on the block is hard to shake. You may also feel the never-ending need to prove yourself. Once again, insecurity can lead to choosing someone less good and kind than you deserve.
3. Are you too needy? Are you too dependent on your boyfriend or husband to decide for you? Are you unable to support yourself financially? Can you bear to be without a boyfriend for very long? Do you need regular reassurance that you are “the one and only?” This gets old quickly. While that reassurance will temporarily calm your fears, your friend will almost surely tire of it, leaving you less secure if you don’t ask again for a sign of his devotion and him feeling put upon if you do. As with a number of the concerns mentioned above, therapy is suggested if your self-worth requires the presence of an escort along with constant bolstering from him; and if you have a tendency to lose your sense of self in the relationship, forget about your friends when you are with a romantic partner and give-in to your new love for fear he will otherwise leave you.
4. Is your beauty (or sex) all you believe you have to offer? There are tons of gorgeous, sexy women out there, and, unlike you, they won’t age! (Or at least, that will be the way it seems since, as you get older, there will be a new cohort of young females who eventually will look preferable in purely physical terms). Although men can be pretty primitive in their response to the physical characteristics of women, qualities like wit, kindness, intelligence, good humor, and integrity grow in their value to all but the most unenlightened men. As someone once said, “Beauty fades, but stupid is forever.”
5. If a man shows interest in you too early, are you turned off? It’s true that there is an element of gamesmanship in dating and mating, but don’t choose the intrigue of a man who is hard to get and misses the devotion and decency of some others.
6. Are you too entitled? Do you believe your boyfriend or husband should keep you on a pedestal, shower you with gifts, and buy the best house in just the right neighborhood? Do you value money, status, and material things too much? If you do, a well-grounded man will tire of you or avoid you. One who is less secure or less enlightened may simply become weary of your demands for “more” and instead seek a less self-involved and shallow woman.
7. Are you a good listener? I hope so because relationships demand this of both parties. If you aren’t, your partner will not feel understood by you. Unless you respect the differences between yourself and your lover (which very likely were initially attractive), you will find the relationship works poorly or not at all.
8. As I’ve said before on my blog, sexual interest, and enthusiasm are necessary parts of a good relationship. Abandon them at your own risk. However, this is not to suggest you should have sex simply because your partner wants (or worse) demands it.
9. Do you allow yourself to be demeaned in public by the man you are with? I always ask marital couples who seek therapy what initially attracted them to each other. When I asked this of one male, I recall he said, “She ‘shows’ well,” about his physically attractive wife. The tone made it clear this was a demeaning statement, not a compliment. Indeed, the man might as easily have said the same thing about a show dog or show horse. The wife made no objection to the comment. A more self-respecting woman probably would have walked out of the room.
10. Do you have a drinking or drug problem? Does your male friend? How do you know you don’t? Just because everyone you know seems to drink about as much as you do, doesn’t mean that you can avoid the alcohol or drug-driven downside of heartache, arguments, and a bad end to the relationship. Read up on alcohol abuse to get a sense of where you stand: alcohol screening dot org
11. Do you tend to wind up with men you feel sorry for? Not a good choice. Do you give in to men who pursue you relentlessly, even though you aren’t enormously attracted to them? Again, this is not destined to lead to a good match.
12. Do you believe you can change the man you are with? It is unlikely this will happen, or if it does that the change project will be accomplished even within a few years. As the old therapy joke goes, “How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?” Answer: “One, but the light bulb has to want to be changed.”  Take a measure of who you are with while you are still capable of being objective, which means your evaluation needs to be done early in the relationship. Once your heart takes over, and you are in love, rational judgments are either too late or altogether impossible.
13. As a father to two career-minded, married daughters, I applaud independent women who forge careers. But just as a man needs to remember his wife and children need attention, so do women in high-powered careers need to live by the same rules. If you are neglectful of your partner, mentally or physically exhausted by the work you do between 9 and 5, and consumed by issues related to your vocation, the relationship is at risk.
14. Are you too critical? If you experienced or observed a fair amount of criticism growing up, it is easy to become like the person who did this. Indeed, we are often at risk of becoming the thing we hate or of normalizing the unfortunate characteristics we observed in our parents because we had no other family experience to compare it to. Yet, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance are needed in any good relationship and in large quantities.
15. Do you expect your boyfriend or husband to fulfill your life and make you happy? No one can really do that for you, although having a companion can be worthwhile and important. But a relationship will not solve all problems or make life perfect. So don’t expect it to. The weight of that expectation on your lover is more than most relationships can bear.
16. One final point, and a sad one. If you are smart and beautiful, and especially if you are professionally accomplished, a fairly large number of men out there will be intimidated by your competence, intelligence, authority, and attractiveness. As a result, you might have to generate more than the usual amount of effort to find a good match. That is unfair but true.

In closing, I should say that making a good choice of mate, regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, is challenging. But there are a lot of good people out there (albeit fewer men than women), so if your history shows a pattern of failed choices, it’s best to look in the mirror and ask why. And, if you can’t come up with an answer or change your pattern even though you are aware of repeating the same mistakes, therapy often helps.

Is it possible to fall in love with someone before we even meet them?  Possibly, especially when you consider the circumstance of having an instant dislike for someone.  Love is indeed based on our latent intuition.   How does this intuition work?

What is romantic intuition?

It’s not a big mystery. We have been building on our past experiences and former relationships all our lives. This is layered with our personal backgrounds, both social and familial.   These layers are the frame of mind with which we meet potential partners.

We feel drawn to them when we meet someone who clicks with our background requirements. However, if we also find this person physically attractive, we can think of this as love at first sight.

This immediate reaction does not necessarily mean that the attraction will grow into a deep and lasting love.  True love involves growing with your partner as both of you bloom and grow.  As you get to know one another, you will grow closer. The initial attraction helps you fit together from the beginning.

Can you have love without the initial intuition? Probably not.  While few people are lucky enough to know someone before they fall in love, it is even rarer to fall deeply in love without having the initial pull or attraction to them.

Some acknowledge that their pursuit of perfection has left them lost and lonely.  They have turned down potential lovers because they don’t fit their image of perfection.  While feeling that you know someone before you fall in love is rare, there is no chance of finding love if you seek the ideal that is only found in romance novels.  This only leads to loneliness and wasted time.

Your time is better spent nurturing your current relationship to meet your ideal. Then, the ideal can be created.

Because no true love is easily found, we should not disqualify what we see in the everyday.  Real love does not occur out of pure feelings.   It takes time and examination.  This does not mean overthinking things.  Pay attention to your heart as well as your head.

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