Things You Should Know Before Dating The Divorced

Dating someone who’s divorced is very common. There are things you can do for relationship success.

This is especially true when you’re talking about remarriage. In this day and age when just under half of first marriages fail, there is a good chance you may become involved with someone who has divorced. The older you are, the more likely this is to happen.

With second marriages failing at an even higher rate
than first ones, there are a few things you should be aware of as you negotiate this relationship.

With that in mind, here are a few things to consider if your potential paramour has “been there” before. Check out these tips for dating the divorced!

How Long Have They Been Divorced?

If someone has been single for several years, they’re going to be in a different place than if their divorce was finalized last week… or last month… or not at all because they’ve only just separated from their spouse. Someone who hasn’t found his or her new normal may inadvertently drag you through holdover issues from their marriage and that’s not fair to anyone. If you’re constantly being compared to the ex, it means this person is probably not ready for a meaningful relationship with you even though they’re divorced. That’s fine if you just want to have fun, but it’s not fine if you’re looking for your lifetime partner. On that note, you’ll need to know:

What Do They Really Want?

We all want to find love—eventually. The question is, does your date want to settle down or do they need to have a little fun first now that they’re divorced? Different people in certain situations experience different reactions. Some want to find “the one” right away (not always a wise choice) and others are gun shy (which is understandable, but can be prohibitive). Whatever the case, it’s fair to ask and you need to know before you put your heart on the line. You also may need to accept that this person doesn’t quite know what he or she wants yet. Life after divorce is a rebuilding process. And before you can contemplate whether or not you want to build on the same site, you’ll need to consider:

What’s the Deal With Their Ex?

Everyone has baggage. But how extensive is this divorced person’s baggage? Is your potential partner over their ex? Do they have children together? If so, you’ll need to accept that his or her ex-spouse is part of the package. And in a bigger sense, so are the kids (which also means it’s your potential partner’s responsibility to co-parent them). If no little ones are involved, your potential partner’s ex-spouse might not be around for the long haul, however, there are other situations (say they shared a pet or have intertwined business interests) that mean he or she isn’t totally gone either. Know what you’re dealing with so you can decide if you’re okay with everything. If you’re the jealous type, this could drive you crazy!

What Have They Learned?

Finally, it’s worth asking (or at least taking note) of your partner’s take on their divorce. It’s a painful process—whether they were the one who wanted it or had it thrust upon them and the upheaval is profound. The growth should be as well. In other words, if someone doesn’t see his or her own role in their marriage’s crumbling (which you needn’t know all about in detail) or have things they’d have done differently along the way, they might not have learned the lessons they’d need to succeed in love the next time around—with you.

How to Tell the Painful Truth?

What do you desire to achieve by speaking the truth? This is a question you should ask yourself before coming out clean. Are you on a mission to make somebody feel bad or bring the best out of your relationship? It is important to note that a cozy relationship is built through trust and deceit. Regardless of how we might feel, that is the painful truth. What therefore is the ideal approach you should take if you want to come out clean?

Ways of telling a painful truth to someone:

Put their feelings into consideration

It is imperative to consider how another individual will respond to your sentiments regardless of your feelings. Always put yourself in their position since their response will depend on how you speak to them. Considering their proneness before you uncover a fact may reduce their troubles.

Evaluate your utterances

Always be kind with your utterances. Your being sincere doesn’t mean you unpleasantly state something. However, this doesn’t mean you shy away from telling the truth just as it is. What you need to do is to be selective with your utterances. “I feel” sentiments have more impact than your articulations, so always include them in your proclamations. Don’t put blames on individuals lest they dissent against you for that. Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Think about your timing

You might feel the need to exclaim something immediately; however, a startling truth should not be shared during contention. You should not catalyze a contention; rather, wait for that moment when everyone will have cooled down to say whatever you feel like saying. When you speak the truth, your utterances will impact you a lot. There is always control in knowing what to utter and when to utter them.

How Unresolved Guilt Affects You

We all feel guilt. It is the usual reaction when we have a loss or other trauma, particularly when we feel that someone has been physically or spiritually victimized. Life events can take a toll on us on many levels. The resulting guilt can diminish the way we feel about ourselves, particularly when our resources are challenged. In addition, we feel guilt when we don’t act in the way that we expect ourselves to. This can lead us into a spiral of second-guessing ourselves and assigning blame when we don’t react properly. Again, this self-assigned guilt can take a toll.

Guilt leads to cloudy thoughts

When our brains feel foggy, it leads to distracted thoughts, an inability to learn new things, and reduced concentration. If you have difficulty remembering key bits of concentration, it could be caused by guilt.

Weight gain can be linked to guilt

Guilt causes stress, and when you are stressed, you want comfort food. Unfortunately, these foods aren’t always good for you; the calories stick around permanently, even if they make you feel good temporarily. This leads to more guilt and stress, and the cycle continues. If you get into the habit of making good choices when it comes to nutrition, you will feel less comforted by doughnuts and the like.

Guilt can hold you back from your life’s enjoyment

If you feel guilty, relaxing and enjoying your life is impossible. Guilt can tell you that you do not deserve the good things that come your way. If you can’t respond happily to life’s joys like a wedding or baptism, it could be that your guilt is stopping you.

Guilt causes you to punish yourself

Guilt can make you feel like you deserve pain and suffering. It may be that you feel like you can achieve solace from penance, that it can make you better. It is only natural since we many cultures, feel pain helps purify the soul and spirit. This type of self-punishment can manifest as negative self-talk and even go so far as self-mutilation. If you have gone this far, seek medical attention.

There are better ways to survive guilt

It sounds simple, resolve your guilt to feel better. If you need to apologize, do it! If you absolutely can’t, do kind things for other people. Ask the universe for forgiveness. If the person you have wronged has passed on, seeking help from a psychic medium can help. Your unresolved guilt can punish others like your immediate family and friends. When you can’t be your best self, others suffer.

Realize that everyone is only human and that you shouldn’t have to pay for your mistakes for the rest of your life. Make amends and move on.

Why It Takes More Than Love for You to Be Happy

Love isn’t enough. At least not according to those of us living in healthy relationships. I’ve spent the past year looking for love and wondering why everyone keeps saying it isn’t enough. Two of the most commonly used words to describe successful relationships were not four letter words starting with “L” … they were “compromise” and “sacrifice.” Yet, according to Relationships Australia, over 90 percent of us still say we marry for love.

Do Happiness and Love Go Hand in Hand?

Love is a powerful emotion; it can be both inspiring and it can also drive us mad. Still, most of us want to feel love, even with its exciting unpredictability and lack of a guarantee, but is it enough? Do you need more than love to make you happy?

Can Happiness Live or Last on Love Alone?

Falling in love may be enough to start a relationship, but it’s not all we need to make us happy in a relationship and it’s certainly not enough to sustain it. You can be happy because of love, but you can’t be in love when you’re not happy—not if you expect it to last. So what do you need to make you happy? Is it respect, trust, compatibility or maybe commitment? Could you be truly happy if your relationship didn’t have any of those qualities?

Cause and Effect

Love is an emotion and a powerful motivator. It can make us overlook the absence of a lot of things we want or need in a relationship. That’s called “sacrifice,” and it’s a choice we make. We choose what we will and will not accept in love. However, if someone is continually asking you to sacrifice or to forgive them in the name of love, then that’s not a choice. And there’s no way that’s making you happy.

Love can help you gloss over problems in a relationship, but if you have the thought that love can help you overcome those problems, then you’re probably the type of person who cleans a floor by sweeping dust under the rug. Eventually, those dust bunnies grow bigger and more problematic and you’ll need more than love to tackle them.

The Foundation of Love and Happiness

How many of us have experienced being in love with someone who was all wrong for us? That can easily happen when we jump into a relationship based on raw emotion with no foundation to back it up. Although the emotional, lusty part of love is hot, it sometimes gets put to the back burner when the inevitable, practical side of life demands attention. That’s when you’ll need more than love to make you happy. Your happiness, the long-lasting kind, also depends on having a partner who is supportive, reliable, respectful and who has similar values to your own.

Betting on the Future

You may indeed fall in love with someone who is not right for you—it happens. But if you fall for someone who you already know is not compatible with you or someone whose values aren’t aligned with yours, in the hopes that things will change—they probably won’t. You can’t make someone follow your dreams or align with your values or be someone they’re not. If you think you can, you’ll be betting on your future happiness and the odds aren’t in your favor. Find someone who realizes that you both need more than love to make you happy.

Stop the Blame Cycle

Current society seems to be locked in to culture of blame. You hear the words accident and “my bad” so often the words seem to have lost all meaning. When you embrace the blame cycle you are giving your power to somebody else. If you are passed up for a promotion or opportunity to you tend to hold someone else responsible? Are you resentful because everyone else has while you have not? When you do this, you’ve given up control of your success and happiness.

Do you feel powerless?

By blaming everyone else for the things that are wrong in your world, you are reinforce the thought that you are weak and not in control of your own life.

Do you feel like a victim?

When faced with negativity do you ask the world, “Why me?” Don’t do this! This implies that you think you did something to deserve the terrible thing that befell you. By acting like a victim, you tell the world that you have no power.

Have you become negative?

By blaming the world and others for all of your bad luck and disappointments, you are opening up yourself for negativity. Inviting negativity can backfire by isolating you from the positive aspect of your life.

Instead, focus on something you can be grateful for and this can turn your viewpoint around. Take the lesson, not the loss.

Do you feel stuck?

Do you find yourself complaining or feeling frustrated over the same thing over and over? If you have, you are most definitely stuck. It’s not hopeless. You can certainly break free. If you are stuck do to an external trauma, seek help. If you feel frightened or physically out of control, you can always take a self-defense class. Start forgiving and stop blaming.

We can not control the world around us, and that’s fine. Even though you can’t control the challenges life hands you, you certainly can control how you respond.

How to Motivate Yourself

Motivation and enthusiasm act as wishes and interests; they also represent the incentive drives and enthuse you to take action and follow your goals.

However, you often have the desire and interest, but you lack the motivation. This is a frustrating situation since you want to do a certain thing but cannot get enough inner strength and motivation to act.

There are many reasons for the lack of motivation. It could be due to a weak desire, laziness, shyness, or lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes, the reason is a physical or mental problem that requires professional help.

Motivation is the Key

Personally, if I had to describe the greatest spiritual key in life, it would be motivation. Motivation is THE key to not only mastering spirituality but regular life as well. Even if you consider yourself motivated, almost everyone can benefit from raising the bar and kicking life up a notch. Extremely successful CEOs and billionaires are not successful because they plateau; they are successful because they are always looking for new ways to find success.

Remind Yourself of Past Success

Many people have a difficult time getting motivated and successful people even have problems taking things to the next level. Think about it: How often have you dreamed of tackling something? It would be wise to remind yourself of past success where you crossed the finish line or any finish line to know that you can succeed again.

Change Your Mind and Heart

If you can change your mind and heart, then you can change your life. The tapes we play certainly become our reality. The constant thought of “I will never get this done” produces exactly that—never getting it done. So it becomes important to break up this “mental matter”—this thought that you do not feel up to whatever task is at hand. Motivational speakers like Tony Robbins and financial motivational speakers like Suze Orman are shockingly impressive at getting you fired up and out of the way of your own success.

Record Over Old Mental Tapes

The idea is to record over the mental tapes (like “I’m too tired,” “Not today,” or “I don’t feel like it”) that keep you from doing what you want to do. Try achieving something smaller and easier to manage to stay in the motivated zone. Personally, I love completing lists to get things done. There is something about the sense of empowerment and accomplishment I get from crossing the completed items off my list. Try making a list on days when you have a million things to do because, at times like this, you have a better success rate. This reinforces your new, positive mental tapes and also brings organization and order to what would ordinarily be a frantic, crazed, chaotic day.

Spiritual Motivation

You may have heard me say that for spiritual people, it is sometimes easy to KNOW spirituality, but it is a lot harder to PRACTICE the spiritual path. You love it, but do you live it? Spiritual motivation is just as important as motivation in the rest of the world. The exercises found at the end of the chapters of many spiritual books are just as important, if not more important, than the chapter itself. Yet they may be the most neglected part of the books. A tip to bringing spirituality into actual practice in regular life is to try to see God or the universe or whatever you believe in as your best friend, close confidante, and constant companion. Try keeping the conversation between you going at all times. This constant connection keeps your spiritual side “on” and is an easy way to “move up a level” spiritually (a big jump, by the way) and keeps you motivated on the spiritual path as well.

Better Karma through Forgiveness

We hear the word forgiveness a lot. What does it mean? Is it more than letting go of the pain and resentment of past offenses and releasing the hold on any thought of revenge? The act of forgiveness can not only release feelings that are holding you back, but it can also give you insight into understanding and compassion. When you forgive, you don’t reduce or justify the wrong that had been done to you, but you can let your feelings about it go. Lack of forgiveness can lead to undue stress and can even hurt you physically. It can be hard when we try to let go because we are still hurt. The negativity that we feel can keep us from finding true happiness.

We are only human, and our emotions have a hold on us. We are only human, and the need for revenge is inherent in us. If we let this part of ourselves take over, our resentment can build into a wave of repeated behavior that can lead us down a dark path of bad karma and negative energy.

For example, suppose a friend has wronged us, and we retaliate by spreading rumors or repeating stories of their ill luck. In that case, this only poisons our other relationships by making us appear petty and vindictive.

If we stay on this path and wear our hurt and pain like a comfortable cape, we just spiral into a negative cycle. In time, this keeps our souls from growing in forgiveness.

The hard part is trying to decide whom to forgive. You may have karmic debt that you are repaying, but the one who harmed you may also be involved in a karmic exchange. On the other hand, they may be paying a soul debt that needs to be repaid.

It’s even possible that your current situation is a product of things that have happened in a previous life.

But how do you figure all of this out?

An excellent way to unravel this karmic knot is to consult a psychic. A psychic can help you recall the moments from your past life that may be echoing in your current situation. It would be extremely difficult to do this alone. We are connected to our feelings. A psychic can help guide you.

A psychic is neutral and separate and can help you understand your karma without any predisposition. This examination, without bias, will help you determine what you should do.

You may find that the one with whom you are having conflict may have hurt you in a former life. In that life, you couldn’t forgive them. In this life, you can change the way you approach them and find forgiveness so that you can both progress spiritually. You may also discover that you had a part to play in the conflict, and now you can change this.

A psychic can bring harmony and balance back to your life by helping you let go of the pattern of negativity associated with the hurt and pain in your life. Your pain can leave a lasting mark that can attach itself to your soul.

A psychic can advise you and lead you through the choices to help free you from the negative energy that is affecting your karma. Once you track down the source of your pain, you can stop accepting negativity and stop holding on to feelings of resentment.

Forgiveness can help you release the bonds that are tying your soul down. Once you let go of this negativity, the door is open for positive energy that will lead you toward rewarding relationships.

The right psychic can teach you to let go and help you find your way out of a negative cycle. Finally, you can forgive and have a better life.

4 Simple Tips on How to Take Care of Yourself

At times taking proper care of yourself is not easy due to the fact that you’re occupied. However, if you don’t take care of yourself a time will come that you will be fatigued and unable to think about anything or anybody.

There are minor self-care exercises you can engage in when you have little time.

You can select at least one from every classification and incorporate them in your life this week.

Trust yourself. There is a lot of potential in you which you are unable to see. Realizing this will, therefore, impact a lot in your life on grounds that you’ll be more successful and your potential will be the reason why. You will attract individuals with similar interests as you if you have confidence in yourself, however; if you don’t then you’ll find yourself misusing your potentials.

Maintain balance in your life. There should be equity in the way you take care of yourself. You can’t discriminate on other parts of the body while taking care of the rest. The same amount of time you give maybe to your physical health is the same amount you should give to your mental health. We all are able to balance.

Have some alone time at least once a week. During this alone time, you’ll be able to do what you want to do without any interruption. At least 1-2 hour is enough. Do what interests you on your daily basis like watching a movie without being robbed of your time. If you find it hard being alone you can involve a friend in your activities as long as it’s what you enjoy doing.

Have time for yourself every day. It might be hard to find time for yourself but at least 15 minutes a day can be appreciated. You would have made an improvement towards your well-being especially maintaining personal balance. During this time you can engage in activities that make you happy. It can be writing, listening to music, reading or drawing. You should do that frequently and plan well with the 15 minutes you’ve allocated.

There are measures you can take right now if all you are exhausting yourself. These are:

Set your alarm 15 minutes before time.

Set an alarm 15 minutes after taking lunch.

Or you can as well stay up for 15 minutes. Allocate time for your self-gain. There are times you spend watching TV ask yourself if you can at least allocate 15minutes of that time for your self-care time.

What is Your Zodiac Sign’s Flirting Style?

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Love is a strange beast. While it is possible for people to fall in love at first sight, most have to find a way to capture someone’s attention. Everyone has a different way to get someone to look at them romantically. This starts by flirting and then something great can develop. Men as well as women demonstrate their own flirting style. Here is a list of a few flirting styles based on Zodiac sign.

Aries

Aries are direct and to the point. An Aries will shower you with compliments with a focus on the now. Aries move fast and will move quickly towards the first goal: the first date. If you find yourself on the receiving end of this lavish attention, enjoy it, but remember an Aries likes a good chase and the thrill of the hunt.

Taurus

If Taurus finds you intriguing, they may be so enraptured by you that they may seem passive. You can be y assured that they are into you by their constant and immediate attention. They will show possessiveness when you are in public. Return their interest and it will definitely pay off in your favor.

Gemini

article-2223981-053BFF460000044D-876_634x617 Gemini will flirt with you by getting your intention in unusual ways. This may include acting in the complete opposite way that your used to, that means a sweet guy suddenly turns shy and aloof If he is usually goofy and unkempt and suddenly becomes the perfect gentlemen. This means he/she is interested in you.

Cancer

Cancers may seem shy and withdrawn. That is only for show. If they are interested and have been waiting for you to make a move, they may grow impatient start asking specific questions about your feelings towards them. This may not seem romantic but you will find their directness and honesty refreshing.

Leo

The sign of the lion and the king of the beasts is also the person who wants to be at the center of all of the drama in their world. They can be found as the life of the party or otherwise holding court within your group. If he has singled you out, you will know it when he begins to draw you in as part of the story. When you see this start to develop, flirt back and watch things develop.

Virgo

images (23) Virgos show their energy by using their active minds by disguising their flirting as charm. They don’t mind sending mixed signals until they know they are safe with you. They are detail oriented and if you want to attract their attention, talk about the big picture, there is a good chance they will engage back with you and you will get to see their passion ignite.

Libra

Libras love relationships. This Venus ruled sign talks about their past loves with the great flourishes of Casanova. They love to flirt and will suggest future trysts or assignations. The real challenge is to get them to commit to anything more than casual flirtation. If you can get them to pay rapt attention to you and your stories then you know they are truly interested in you.

Scorpio

Sexy intense Scorpio will be more than happy to seduce you with their hypnotic attention. If they are interested in you they will give you a deep, intense look and share a secret. Then they will draw you in when they invite you somewhere alone and private.

Sagittarius

Flirting with a Sagittarius to flirt is easing. Getting them to move on to something serious is a different story. Sagittarius loves to play and life is their playground. You can usually get this stubborn Archer to commit by letting him know that he is in charge of the game.

Capricorn

If you have caught a Capricorn’s eye, they will talk about their achievements and generally build themselves up. This is their way of letting you know that you are welcome in their life and if you become part of their big picture you can share in all of their successes. That may not sound very romantic; it’s a byproduct of the social discomfort that is part of this sign. But when you have caught a Capricorn’s eye, you will know it!

web_pisces Aquarius

This sign is very unpredictable and exciting. Even if they are in the middle of flirting with you, something will grab their attention and then they will jump into that subject and turn away from you. They love long discussions about intense subjects, and they will be just as surprising and intense when it comes to romance.

Pisces

Pisces rely on intuition to guide them through life. They may start flirting with you with ought even knowing it. You may have to be specific if you find them swerving towards a romantic topic. Be upfront about your intentions and their interest will flourish.

Love Psychic Readings & Relationship Psychics

Are Your Romantic Expectations too High?

We generally have the expectation that our romantic partners will be supportive when we need them. From time to time, our subconscious will take inventory of our partner’s successes and failings to see if they measure up to our expectations.

If you find your relationship lacking, here are eight reasons you may be setting standards too high:

You are too self-centered.

While we think we will be happier if others behave the way we want them to, there is no rule, nor should there be any expectation on our part that they should. Scholar George Valliant has studied human happiness and states,” A cardinal rule for happiness is not to think less of ourselves, but to think of ourselves less.” This means you will feel happier if you think about your significant other before you think about yourself. Your relationship will be more satisfying if you focus on your overall happiness rather than expecting your partner to live up to your unspoken demands.

There’s No Commitment

If there is no understood commitment between two people, it is ridiculous to expect partners to make the kind of compromises that are key parts of relationships. You are setting your expectations too high if you want your partner to act as if you are committed when you are not.

You’ve Cheated (or Considered Cheating)

If you have been unfaithful or considered being unfaithful, you have no room to claim your partner is making you unhappy. People who have cheated on their partners often say they strayed because their love didn’t measure up in some way. It is absurd to expect one person to be the sole source of their happiness. It is setting the bar far too high to demand that one person fulfill all of your needs.

You Rely on Them for Your Excitement and Romance

You expect them to do all of the work. You need to work together if you want a romantic and exciting relationship. You need to take on some of the responsibility. Provide some of the adventures you crave, and you will find that both of you are thrilled.

You want mind-blowing sex, but don’t work at it.

In a committed relationship, sex can become routine. This doesn’t have to happen if both partners are willing to work together to keep things interesting. Communicate your needs to your partner, so they know what you like and need.

You aren’t willing to make sacrifices.

If you don’t want to make sacrifices or compromises, you can’t expect your partner to do so. You are setting the bar too high if you want something but aren’t willing to meet them halfway.

You Let Technology Get in the Way

Too often, we are distracted by our phones, computers, or televisions. This can keep us from engaging with the person in the same room as us. Communicating solely through technology can also cause a strain on a relationship. If you have a problem, wait until you can speak to the person rather than relying on texts or emails to push your point forward.

You Expect too Much Out of Life.

Your overall expectations are too high if you push yourself to the point of exhaustion trying to reach an impossible goal. While it is important to have goals, if we expect money, looks, or a perfect home to make us fulfilled and happy, we ultimately will be disappointed. This disappointment can lead us to find our relationships to be lacking.

So, learn to set realistic expectations and talk about expectations with your partner. Make sure they feel safe to share their own expectations so you can help one another.

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